Skip to main content

Acceptance of denial

How hard is it to accept?
Acceptance for all the things that we wish doesn't happen?
and how far would you go to make you feel better?
Some things are better left unsaid but yet,I do want to speak it out.
Why does it hurts so badly when we see someone we used to love
and we just wish to talk back to them,but we can't..
The hatred between both of the party involve or could it be something else?
I'm still wondering until today.
I treasure friendship and I would love to be friends with him again.
Yes,I'm really looking cold and so emotionally-detached,
I don't deny that,and it's a true thing.Full stop.yeah.
A typical way to display such a duality that is embedded within me.
To tell the truth,vulnerabilities are better yet hidden or
people will get to exploit you,used you and throw you away like the rubbish.
And trust,it's a very none tangible thing that only time and sincerity can prove that.
As it is,I wonder..




Yes,this is my one of weaknesses,maybe one of my biggest issue..
letting go of someone,even things are obviously clear that we should back off.
It's hard just to leave,you can just block their profile,delete the phone numbers,
and dang..you saw that person again in real life,the one you used to spend your time,laughter,
sadness or tears with..you feel so like,wow..
*A train just hit you*
*you survived*
*he sees you*
*you tried to smile*
*he already moved his eyes and head somewhere else*
*you look down*
* he secretly stares at you*
*you look back*
*he gives you a blank empty look*
*wtf?you just played that game along*

*you give him a blank expression*
-silent moment-
*Are we somehow like arch enemies?
or just a very ego broken-hearted ex lovers
that either way make things worst*


The question still hunts me till right now.
I feel so bad and good at the same time.
Complicated enough to explain the scenario exactly.=DD


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

#2.8 Forth letter

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas

#1.8 Surat ketiga

Hi dear love Ikhwan Faiz,  All the ups and downs of my Life and every pain I've endured just to write a letter to you is worthwhile. I wanted our love to be immortal and Everlasting in my works and poems, even though one day our body will disintegrate and dissolve in the ground. My words are inspired by the pure joy and peace that I found within myself and your presence. My spirituality and faith. Everytime I see someone talking about their other half and true love, I kept thinking about our journey and the day we will be united as One. Like the creation of Eve from the ribs of Adam, every female are destined to finds her own Adam and they will never ever belong to anyone else, no matter how crazy the obstacle they are put through. I believe in Jodoh/soulmate  because it's very simple yet mysterious for every being on Earth. It has been promised by all the Holy Books of every religion, philosophers, poets and spiritual leader that everyone is created in pairs. Funny how much hu

Hello 4,579,200 seconds

It has been 53 days since I officially and legally became a "wife", and 7 weeks,3 days having a small being growing inside my womb. Guess what? It's not a surprise nor something that out-of-reach category My depression doesn't go away, neither my panic attack nor anxiety. There are days I can function as a human being, there are days I feel like giving up on myself and never want to feel alive anymore. Being inflicted with emotions and obligation as a wife and to-be-mom, I find it's hard to find a purpose of waking up and doing chores. Or it's just the changes around my body makes it very hard for me to adapt. Wanted to finish my IT Firm and Cybersecurity certs, wanting to write a novel about having CPTSD and supernatural beings or having a community that knows my name and not be remembered as a wife, daughter, sister and mother when I die. I just wanted leave this world with something great behind, instead of being stuck in a rut and a purgatory of waves of m