Dualism Fuel

Oh.Back here again. IT'S DECEMBER AGAIN. The past three months has been really heartbreaking and awakening. The idea of leaving and taking a step to uphold the idea of responsibility. Earning what is lost due to other's mistakes. Well, this is the hardest part, REALIZING that you can fix everything, but everything is challenging you with time and patience. I escaped DEATH again as I RECALLED the knive was very near to slaughter or cut deep into my throat?. Eh, disturbing right? That was one of my darkest moment. I manage to get over it without a scratch or getting hurt by the robbers. Enough of uber depressing stuff here.lol. I think my life is going to be much more meaning because I am not alone. These few lovable people keep me strong and calm during these hard times. Ciao. Imma drop and refresh this blog with a whole new concept next year.

I've been abandoning my thoughts of paradise for quite sometime. I'm back now. So, yay~ Right away,eh? When someone ask me to do things or nag me, I find it hard to follow rules and obligation immediately. Nagging is one hard thing in my life to not be stressed upon. It's mentally excruciating to listen to the same person everyday. You get tired and bounded when the timing is not right. I know one of the most nagging person on Earth is  the person who really cares about you. Maybe it's his or her way to show and express love. Love is something subjective but at the same time, You can't force people to listen to you, if they are not putting their hearts and soul to understand you. I do have the capability to understand people, and sometimes I may failed to calculate about the  consequences and circumstances that may not be in my favour. Many of my friends thought about me being cold or acting  like a sociopath, While I just failed sometimes to see

I admit that my life has turned upside down. They say if you're in a war, you have to prepare for one last streak of battle. The combo, the finising part. The prestige. When my friends asked me whether I have finished my studies or not, what are you doing now? Where are you? I cannot even smile or just plainly answering them. I still on my way. They have high expectations or no idea of what I'm doing. I am going through hard times and I need to rediscover myself, People are not capable to understand what we go through unless we tell them. So here I AM. I am reaching out to you. Emotions and feelings are the hardest to explain in words but you can let people feel what you feel. At the moment I arrived in Kuching, I knew that I have to find strength and hang on as long as I can, No friends. No more dates. No more laughing. No more hearing jokes. Just plainly me and my demonic side to overcome and walk this excruciating route. This place wher

Too long since I last updated. There's too much things going on by the end of 2014 and 2015. They'd say "Changed" I'd say, "Reset:. We do not posses the power to erase the past nor alter it anyhow. I too, been dwelling with sorrows and pain. To love too much but in the end being left hanging. And I have been feeling hopeless that no one would want me as much as I want them in my life. The problem is, I have been keeping feelings and the ways to express it for too long. I can't say "No" to others. Keeping all the angst and despair in others without leaving them any clue, Maybe I have the problem of expressing deep things. I'm afraid of rejection of my true intentions, Life is about taking chances and changing along the way, I want to change for myself and my loved ones, Talking about love and relationship, It's time for me to move on from the bad ones, and embrace the good ones and find happiness in people who wants me