Dualism Fuel

My dearest abang Ikhwan Faiz. Being a thousand miles from you makes my heart screams violently for your affections, kisses and touch. Each day that has passed by made me realize that you are my pillar of strength and breathe back Life into me since the day we met until this very moment. I found the missing piece of myself in your soul. You held me when I was in my lowest & most vulnerable and calm me when my mind wanders off berserk and haywire. I can't thank God enough to have you in my Life when I found you. Each time we spend our time together, I feel that the universe has granted me a safe place that makes me feel like I can be whoever I want to be, achieve my dreams and ambition in Life here in Dunya and The Hereafter. Here in Langkawi, I thought the opportunity to be a leader in my work and career is just a mock up, but it turned out to be a start of a new pathway that I never dream of. God has given me so much blessings from the moment I found you, Abang. I dreamt of ce

My dear sayang, Ikhwan Faiz . All these back pain, bodyache and cramps came visions of us having experiencing childbirth and labour of our children. We probably be a nervous first time parents who would worry everything or me being me, I'd just act cool while having fatigue and mood swings due to physical changes and hormones ever-changing from the first untill third trimester. The weird food combo cravings that won't be going away or wanting to certain things together with you, sayang. My round and huge tummy waddling around the house complaining why the kitchen cabinet is too high or I probably sneak around to eat junk food or pickled sour fruit at the middle of the night. You probably will wake up if you aren't sleeping soundly or noticing me making noise from the kitchen. Or high chances that I would be in half crying face asking you to help me open some food packaging or jar/bottle that I couldn't even open or just wanting you to spoon feed me because I could just

1st September 2021 It's exactly a month after I broke up officially with Danny. Yet having Ikhwan Faiz in my life has brought me into a newer and higher perspective in Life and even beyond. For every "I-love-you's" and "I-miss-you's" from my ex for the last 3 years and hearing it from my hubby-to be and teammate for life, he filled up my heart with genuine love and laughter everyday beyond comparable to Danny. Ikhwan Faiz is my paradise and the only man I am willing to sacrifice everything just to see him smile and make him happy untill the end of my time here. He made me feel so loved and special in so many ways. He made me smile so brightly and sincerely from my heart.He inspires me to be better and to do better. In a way, my ex has become a very distant memory and his post break up voice note that I saved becomes too painful to hear because I no longer feel attachment, love nor care as he used to become part of my routine, my day and night, part of my

  To my sweetheart & hubby, Ikhwan Faiz. In my bright or dark days, I have so much things to say and shared with you, but I never wanted to burden you with my worries and my absurd self sabotaging brain. I'm scared of how the world will judge me based on my appearance and personality or the way I talk, or how I stuttered or being clumsy. I'm scared I'm not enough for you. I'm scared that I'm not attractive enough or bore you with random thoughts and stupid jokes. I'm scared if I ever made you upset or feel insecure because of my stupid mood swing or being sad. I'm scared everything that my brain and soul has suffered already my lifespan a little more shorter and shorten our time together. I'm scared of my known and unknown health issues will burden you and somehow affect the risk of complications if we try to conceive in the future. Nonetheless of these things, each time I felt my brain and negative thoughts starts manifesting I tried so hard to dist

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas

Hi dear love Ikhwan Faiz,  All the ups and downs of my Life and every pain I've endured just to write a letter to you is worthwhile. I wanted our love to be immortal and Everlasting in my works and poems, even though one day our body will disintegrate and dissolve in the ground. My words are inspired by the pure joy and peace that I found within myself and your presence. My spirituality and faith. Everytime I see someone talking about their other half and true love, I kept thinking about our journey and the day we will be united as One. Like the creation of Eve from the ribs of Adam, every female are destined to finds her own Adam and they will never ever belong to anyone else, no matter how crazy the obstacle they are put through. I believe in Jodoh/soulmate  because it's very simple yet mysterious for every being on Earth. It has been promised by all the Holy Books of every religion, philosophers, poets and spiritual leader that everyone is created in pairs. Funny how much hu

Hai cintaku ♥️, Ikhwan Faiz. { Saya tahu surat cinta fizikal dari awak lebih sentimental untuk disimpan tetapi surat digital sama sahaja boleh diabadikan dan bersemi di dalam blog introspective saya ini. Cinta ku padamu tetap abadi sehingga hujung nafas ku. (ayat novel ahahah) }  I have always wanted love my future husband in such ways that I can stroll down the memory lane if I started to miss you very much or gets emotional if you're not around or having mood swing from PMS or when I become pregnant with our eldest child in the future. I will never get tired of expressing my love for you or hearing how much you love me too. This love is real, sincere and most heartwarming I ever received because I too, see & feel the Heavens in you, my love. No matter how hard life and upsetting this world can be, I know I have finally found my equal other half and someone who loves me for the way I am, even in the most vulnerable side that I have shown to you and the whole world. You're

  T o my love Ikhwan Faiz, It's funny and how mindblowing God has made us wait till we finally found each other in so many years trying to find a Soulmate/Love. From the day we haven't met each other yet I  constantly kept wondering whether you existed or not, parts of me was still so much missing and searching for higher and holy purposes in Life. One might say that experience made us wiser and mature, but my past has mended me to be the person I am, till the day I met you. You came and breathe back all the shattered pieces of me and transformed into a whole new person despite I'm going through a dark phase in my life right now.  Every giggle, smile and laughter shared with you has become my favourite moment in Life. You're the half of my broken soul that I longed for. You're the answer to my sad, lonely and gut wrenching nights. You're my serendipity. My safe haven.  It has been a long winding road filled with thorns and unexpected moments. There are times my

Truth and reality. Comes both hand in hand. Bitter? Yes.  When everything seems to be so bright, Never forget how darkness will prevail. Losing somebody who knows your passion And the depth of your soul, is also equivalent losing part of your own soul. But It depends on how meaningful the person is to you. I lost another light. He was a dear brother, good friend and mentor to me when I had nothing in Life. Death is an awakening and Life is a gift. I lose parts of myself again, but the longing just to be whole is screaming. I believe in the higher purpose, and in this Dunya, for better and worse. Our journey to find Home, is different yet somehow is the same. We strive to be better and make better choices, no matter how many times we may have failed, mocked upon or ridiculed by others. We learn the meaning of sincerity to ourselves and having a vision in Life is important. Our Creator, The Almighty and Omniscient has designed each and every of us a timeline of souls/relationshi