Dualism Fuel

{*sound of keyboard typing* At 5 am.} Composing more articles to write and studying on how to pass an editor's test. I think I am more comfortable working on odd hours since my recurring fever subsided and my back stop hurting. Oh,in the meantime, working on a application where I can collaborate and publish my work or ideas to a few websites. I need a proper platform to start on my own personal brand and portfolio of my articles, fiction, poem and Lifehack pro tips and tutorials. I had plans to start collaborating with my friends on their You tube channel this year or just help them in setting up anything. I will have to work around to find time and opportunity to brainstorm ideas with them. It could be a vlog, promoting your hobbies or products or broadcasting your hobbies, causes and ideas. But hey, let's arrange things bit by bit? I wrote a book last year but the whole process didn't went well. I lost all of my draft backup copies and due to my hea...

[Nujabes- Luv sick part 2 (instrumental) was playing in the background while I wrote this. I highly recommend people to listen to this track. It’s beautiful and soothing. Such a great majestic masterpiece by the late Japanese DJ/Hip Hop producer, Seba Jun. DO GIVE IT A LISTEN to this track while reading my blog post! TEE HEE ] How am I trying to progress in life despite struggling with health issues? By initiating multiple group & self-projects, work,volunteering, hobbies and doing many research on certain topics.During the last few months, I was busy writing my book about the state of human mind and spirituality called, “Tunnel”. Sadly, my health and time has been distorting this specific long term project and I find it hard to finish it on time. It’s a personal book and compilation of inspiration that I had obtained from people and books. There are days, I hunger for more new substances, knowledge and materials for the sake of the book itself. I showed the sample t...

[ I was terribly triggered by the time I wrote this. So,I advised people who has mild depression and low self-esteem to stay away from reading melancholic blog post like this. It’s bad for your health,Okay?PG18+ post ahead. lolz ] What did actually happened  from May- September 2016? I was hoping the effects of medication to wear off. I meant; by the hallucinations and strange voices I heard every single night, it feels like I’m going down, to the brink of insanity. My mother thought I was happy and calm person, due to my repressive nature of trying to function well. She was surprised why my state of saying, “I'm okay” hasn’t changed even for a bit for all these years. She would try to do anything to see my reactions and how it’s like to be triggered. There are days when I isolated myself from speaking or communicating from anyone despite I was online 24/7. I usually post things on my facebook, mostly on  major "heavy" topic  materials, science articles, tech n...

Listening to that song again, yea,I feel like an eenie meanie. I always feel bad,no matter what. Sometimes,I think that: -I have a very inaccurate 6th Sense -I have the feeling of dejavu and when it happen it's too late to realize it. -I should have stop trusting my own feeling and trust my thoughts -I should be more emotional attached in expressing myself -I must be more polite in my words..?wtf? -I should have a katana at my home so that I can make people scared of me? -I should be dead earlier,when I think I'm useless My head is full of nonsense and illogical stuffs.I'm so like emotionless right now. I feel nothing.I wish life would just go ahead and left me behind. Depressed?no.I'm just saying things that I'm trying to say but I can't say in front of people. I feel guilty to everyone,I feel guilty for the things that I've done, I feel sorry for myself. Risk.Hope.Love.Smile.LAUGHTER. I'm sorry,sorry.. I'll be fine.I just need time to thing and eva...