Dualism Fuel

{ A hymn of Love} Your Presence covers up my day and night, dusk to dawn, happiness and sadness, tears and joy... How can I dichotomize between This World and Hereafter if YOU existed on both sides? YOU granted human soulmate , to remind us of Eternity , The Paradise and its Heaven, whereby we are no longer suffering. Only Joy and Peace. He is half of my universe that YOU created for me and everything else you've written.  How can I not be closer to YOU ? whenever I see him, I see YOU . I will see God in my soulmate. I feel Heaven is already beside me. He is Love . Part of my Destiny. Part of my Faith and Desire. My forever. Everlasting. Divine. Holy. YOU gave me my Life and Death. A soulmate who seemed to govern my soul and epitomised Light. A gift to cherish beyond Time.

November 2018. I am whole because you breath the air and vibe to love again. I think found my soulmate. The one I adore most in Life now. All these family drama and people desperately begging for attention, I admit I feel asphyxiated and suffocated, but I have strength and peace to be myself and ignore negativity. I have a bunch of strangers and friends who sees me as who I am inside and let me grow into the person I am. The truth is if you never lose yourself, you will never know how good it felt to came back to the right path, the right mindset and giving priority to the things you want the most in Life. I have been using the Internet my whole life and came to know that there are sad, lonely and depressed people begging and hurting others for the sake of attention and false pretense. I have many met many kinds of human, went out with random people, experimenting with their behaviour and do read people's behaviour really well. I have many stories and tales to be shared with oth

The epitome of Us Our foretold tale of Love and Stories , You are my epitome of Joy , A supernova , A phenomena , I cannot fathom yet, The begone years taught me, Of Love, Despair and Trust Suffering, yet still alive Holding onto my beliefs intact, To breath you into my life, For once and forever, Of Heavens granting my prayers, To ease my finding along this journey, Full of crazy malady and ironic cycle Oh, dear  beloved muse , You are half of my world,  Half of everything in me Have you thought I'd crawl, I break into pieces, Hit into walls, Get all shattered everywhere, Just to be whole again, At brink of my existence, To complete Our Purpose , As a unit, as a synergy Two beating hearts as one, In the moment I saw Miracle When I saw our Destiny , Of years and endless love, Adventures and precious moments Untill the end of Time , Beyond forever. I belong to you. To us.

I have difficulty in choosing the right title for this post. It is somewhat a miracle to this dark place of mine. My own thought s So, October 2018 huh? I have been pondering if I am growing into something that radiates light and love around me? Am I good enough to love another again? But I already have answers to my own question. Somehow, somewhere In some part of this world There's someone crazy about my smile or being with me. I was deeply moved. Touched. In the most unexpected ways. My soul somehow feel welcomed. It felt like coming to a nice sanctuary. It's like one of the answers to my stupid petty questions. I always told myself: It's not about the Ending , It is always about the Journey and Destination . You will stumble across Millions of Choices, but it leads into one favourable outcome that you had always secretly wished upon, I believed in the Secrets of the Heart now. We don't know it, but we always feel it. We can't see it, but we r

May 2018. What has become of me? Still nocturnal and feeling guilt for not being able to act like I genuinely like everyone around me. I acted like I should, respected their decision and let them have their say at me. I prefer this word as "endurance" I am tired of not being in sync of my own schedule, or being used. or just doing whatever it takes to stay alive. Yes, the 14th General Election made me realized that there's always hope. I did want a new government. An electoral miracle. Literally, it is. The hype has not gone down, even the older adults are still talking about it. Hate. I am not doing it. But my mother keeps nagging me to date younger guys, or go for the famous and rich. Based on my own experience, and tons of dating game, I prefer not to even look at these type of men that I should get intimate with, since I know my type. There is always a type, yet time constraints and social status made me feel like it will take years for me to reach the altar or

{ Do you have a set of morale compass? What if I tell you that human can rebuild and initiate what, why and who to believe when it comes the Universal force ?} During the Funeral process I just attended, I realized that more people are just there to observe the sins and reputation of others instead of paying respect. I grew up watching these humans using religion to judge others, money and influence among themselves untill the day they died. What exactly they did believed in? Was it by the book? By the mouth? My father told me, you will die by the way you lived. My theism on what I believe is solely on growth. You are here in this world to screw up and failed miserably, in the pursue finding passion and acceptance. Fuck with everything. Fix it and improvise your soul with time. There is nothing to do by "living the rules" and traditions that binds a family. Family is a place whereby you are happy being yourself, without needing to try hard or feel lost. I beg to differ to t

" We need to catch up. Seriously. " " Last time we talked is two years ago " " I hope you're doing well now. Better than last time" " You didn't come to my wedding or response to my invitation.I knew something must've came up ." " How's life? Are you still dating that asshole that I told you to leave?He's only using you, on and off." " I hate hearing you crying or suffer. You're very smart, talented, pretty, nice and funny girl. So much to live for. " " Have you done anything stupid again, Moon? I know you're crazy and fucked up inside for many reasons " Those are some of conversation starters from my close friends that reeks my heart. Reconnections of deep thoughts and intentions from a few that knows me too well. Yes. In these few weeks, my old crushes, acquaintance, exes, good friends, and "almost a thing phase", they decided to reconnect me back into their Life,

{ I found myself into another episode of choosing a path at crossroad as based on the poem interpretation of " Road Not Taken " by Robert Frost. Dilemma. Exhaustion .} Such variables and temporary decisions to be made makes me irk and break into character. Long outdoor weekend and struggling with many internal issues such as deadlines and keeping my blood pressure stable. Time ticking as if the end is near gives me chills. I ought to live my life meaningfully even if it comes with a lot of personal sacrifices. I'm flighty. I assumed the worst in people who has constantly hurt me for a long time. If I wish to be happy, I have to keep distant from being drained spiritually. Clearly, I don't give a flying fuck what others had labelled me. Eccentric is fine. Crazy is best. I don't rely on people as much as during my younger years. Only to those very few that I had my Trust vested. My secrets; Very exclusive ones. Wild adventures , or the stupid one s. Or a l

{ Goes down to a deep memory lane trip from 2010 onwards. Written as a memoir to myself and stumblers} When the whole world seems to bring you down,you will need comfort and warmth from the ones you trust.I may have a lot friends, admirers and acquaintance within this Lifetime but the good ones who sees through you are priceless. A keepsake till the day I disintegrate.  Fame and wealth does comes with a lot of label warning and precautions. I missed the old me who knows very little about how the world works, how evil human can be and the irony between every reality and beliefs that exist. My dearly departed dad always tells me if Life has no challenges or makes you feel worthless, then it is a pointless journey to become human because Life itself is a Test. He explained, to me in his own ways thoroughly what makes " human ", a human. In our deep conversation and countless of experiments together, I had an epiphany that if he's gone, I'll be anchoring Life in "

{ My eccentric nature is to memorize people through the ambience; of smell, touch, hearing and gestures.} The most important of all is their voice and the look inside their eyes tells me everything. Some part of their past, present and future came crawling into my skin but I insisted taking it in all slowly, disseminate and digest properly. Observing people unfold their demons and irks and then just go with the flow,instead of jumping into conclusions and judgement. People radiate energy in both beneficial and harmful ones to their surroundings. Reading people can be intriguing yet tiring because of the constant contradiction of between the emotions and rational level in handling circumstances are at par of each other. Being rational and sensible is better than letting your vulnerability and weaknesses screw you over a petty thing. I was told by people that my walls are made of solid concrete that could only be demolished by Time and Effort. In the past few years, what and how did I

W hat I really meant by individuality and freewill is becoming the authority to choose specific variables, environment and accepting every plausible consequences wholeheartedly; without having the slightest glimpse of feeling reluctant taking its precedent. I am very convinced that our Life is not about doing things in the most " right " or " wrong " way. Learn to bend the rules as it challenges you. Own the moment. You need to get your hands dirty and soul tainted, deal the fuck from it and improvise with whatever limitations you have. Never ever to give up hope, no matter how painful things can damage or break your will. These past few days,it is super exhausting for me to speak out my mind yet people come to me for ideas, perspective and how to handle their shit.I have my own morale compass and set of beliefs, things to achieve and getting to know an individual characteristics properly, without having a bias judgement or perception.Time is an asset investment,

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m