Dualism Fuel

" We need to catch up. Seriously. " " Last time we talked is two years ago " " I hope you're doing well now. Better than last time" " You didn't come to my wedding or response to my invitation.I knew something must've came up ." " How's life? Are you still dating that asshole that I told you to leave?He's only using you, on and off." " I hate hearing you crying or suffer. You're very smart, talented, pretty, nice and funny girl. So much to live for. " " Have you done anything stupid again, Moon? I know you're crazy and fucked up inside for many reasons " Those are some of conversation starters from my close friends that reeks my heart. Reconnections of deep thoughts and intentions from a few that knows me too well. Yes. In these few weeks, my old crushes, acquaintance, exes, good friends, and "almost a thing phase", they decided to reconnect me back into their Life, ...

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m...

The feeling of lost and in deep thoughts.   At 3 AM, tears running deep. Things gone awry and disappointment lurking.  The problem of human to another human is haunting me. Here, in the crowd, I can only identify only 1 or 2 people who could mentally connect to me and understand why it is important to be VERY reserved and polite. Modesty and calm. I wanted to get along and keep a limit within the crowd or personal interaction yet I am so lost in my own thoughts.Hopeless and chaotic inside while retaining a poker face expression. In a bigger scale, the permanent feeling and emotion could not be wipe off. I’m feeling as destroyed as ever. I never felt bad and guilty to my friends and myself to the core of crying. I missed them so much. I grew up with a parent who are as paranoid and strict as you never imagined. I’ve never felt so trapped. Trapped into things that I couldn’t let myself into. Like I have failed to liberate myself and plunge into an endless abyss. I succe...

[Nujabes- Luv sick part 2 (instrumental) was playing in the background while I wrote this. I highly recommend people to listen to this track. It’s beautiful and soothing. Such a great majestic masterpiece by the late Japanese DJ/Hip Hop producer, Seba Jun. DO GIVE IT A LISTEN to this track while reading my blog post! TEE HEE ] How am I trying to progress in life despite struggling with health issues? By initiating multiple group & self-projects, work,volunteering, hobbies and doing many research on certain topics.During the last few months, I was busy writing my book about the state of human mind and spirituality called, “Tunnel”. Sadly, my health and time has been distorting this specific long term project and I find it hard to finish it on time. It’s a personal book and compilation of inspiration that I had obtained from people and books. There are days, I hunger for more new substances, knowledge and materials for the sake of the book itself. I showed the sample t...

"Parang,the game" The fusion of Borneo culture into a card game.A game company, Beast of Borneo based in Kuching created this masterpiece game. Thus, " Parang" the card game has succesfully gotten the crowd into a new dimension of playing and social interacting with people in this smartphone era while still preserving a sense of identity of the Iban culture.The pioneer of its kind. Borneo headhunting card game. A very cool concept. The players has their own unique ways to win the game and collect "Antu Pala" (head trophies) to become the winner. As a matter of fact, the whole idea and design of the game itself stands out and made its objectives as a "get-along-game". and naturally enjoyable for individuals from all walks of Life. Regardless old you are, race and identity is not a problem. The game is very simple to understand and most people learn to become the winner as they played it along. Stay tuned for more info of "Parang", t...