Dualism Fuel

{ I found myself into another episode of choosing a path at crossroad as based on the poem interpretation of " Road Not Taken " by Robert Frost. Dilemma. Exhaustion .} Such variables and temporary decisions to be made makes me irk and break into character. Long outdoor weekend and struggling with many internal issues such as deadlines and keeping my blood pressure stable. Time ticking as if the end is near gives me chills. I ought to live my life meaningfully even if it comes with a lot of personal sacrifices. I'm flighty. I assumed the worst in people who has constantly hurt me for a long time. If I wish to be happy, I have to keep distant from being drained spiritually. Clearly, I don't give a flying fuck what others had labelled me. Eccentric is fine. Crazy is best. I don't rely on people as much as during my younger years. Only to those very few that I had my Trust vested. My secrets; Very exclusive ones. Wild adventures , or the stupid one s. Or a l

{ Goes down to a deep memory lane trip from 2010 onwards. Written as a memoir to myself and stumblers} When the whole world seems to bring you down,you will need comfort and warmth from the ones you trust.I may have a lot friends, admirers and acquaintance within this Lifetime but the good ones who sees through you are priceless. A keepsake till the day I disintegrate.  Fame and wealth does comes with a lot of label warning and precautions. I missed the old me who knows very little about how the world works, how evil human can be and the irony between every reality and beliefs that exist. My dearly departed dad always tells me if Life has no challenges or makes you feel worthless, then it is a pointless journey to become human because Life itself is a Test. He explained, to me in his own ways thoroughly what makes " human ", a human. In our deep conversation and countless of experiments together, I had an epiphany that if he's gone, I'll be anchoring Life in "

{ My eccentric nature is to memorize people through the ambience; of smell, touch, hearing and gestures.} The most important of all is their voice and the look inside their eyes tells me everything. Some part of their past, present and future came crawling into my skin but I insisted taking it in all slowly, disseminate and digest properly. Observing people unfold their demons and irks and then just go with the flow,instead of jumping into conclusions and judgement. People radiate energy in both beneficial and harmful ones to their surroundings. Reading people can be intriguing yet tiring because of the constant contradiction of between the emotions and rational level in handling circumstances are at par of each other. Being rational and sensible is better than letting your vulnerability and weaknesses screw you over a petty thing. I was told by people that my walls are made of solid concrete that could only be demolished by Time and Effort. In the past few years, what and how did I

W hat I really meant by individuality and freewill is becoming the authority to choose specific variables, environment and accepting every plausible consequences wholeheartedly; without having the slightest glimpse of feeling reluctant taking its precedent. I am very convinced that our Life is not about doing things in the most " right " or " wrong " way. Learn to bend the rules as it challenges you. Own the moment. You need to get your hands dirty and soul tainted, deal the fuck from it and improvise with whatever limitations you have. Never ever to give up hope, no matter how painful things can damage or break your will. These past few days,it is super exhausting for me to speak out my mind yet people come to me for ideas, perspective and how to handle their shit.I have my own morale compass and set of beliefs, things to achieve and getting to know an individual characteristics properly, without having a bias judgement or perception.Time is an asset investment,

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m