Of memories.

{My eccentric nature is to memorize people through the ambience; of smell, touch, hearing and gestures.}

The most important of all is their voice and the look inside their eyes tells me everything. Some part of their past, present and future came crawling into my skin but I insisted taking it in all slowly, disseminate and digest properly. Observing people unfold their demons and irks and then just go with the flow,instead of jumping into conclusions and judgement. People radiate energy in both beneficial and harmful ones to their surroundings. Reading people can be intriguing yet tiring because of the constant contradiction of between the emotions and rational level in handling circumstances are at par of each other. Being rational and sensible is better than letting your vulnerability and weaknesses screw you over a petty thing. I was told by people that my walls are made of solid concrete that could only be demolished by Time and Effort.

In the past few years, what and how did I not do to save others from themselves and taking in damage more than I could ever imagined?Everything!
I literally had ruined myself for others to make them grow and left just parchment of memories after damage is done. My brain begs me to empty my feelings and just leave the knowledge and skills behind the past memories. Yet pain is not something that could be let go easily once you get used to it because the bad experience and negativity became part of you, subconsciously.

The first moment I actually gaze and memorize people that I firstly met, I will notice the way they talked, smiled, laugh and their manners; both in good or bad ways. I do believe the Air Signs of people both carry a reserved suave and addictive personality. People does get attracted to the aura and charmed by their personality. One layer of my many sided-self is to adapt and try to blend in without feeling awkward, while the rest is laid to rest and came out appropriately or in extreme conditions whereby the emotions are triggered, directly or indirectly. It's more to being stuck in a "I think that I feel... " or "I feel that I think.. " situation all the time. The endless dilemma.

Now my question is how does society and humans viewed or judged me?

I don't really feel like I can be bothered about it at all or at least I used to be. Even my Mother who tries her best to read my thoughts and the reason why I encrypted my privacy and choices I made in life. People may know my face, name but none about any of my struggles and success. There's always an infinity of thoughts and ideas running in my head all at the same time. My crazy experiments and social experience comes in very handy, but share it to those who are worthy and shows a little thought of appreciation. My transparency is open to people who does a lot of insane things, fucked up so badly, swallow it up and still want to live Life like other human being; to live Life meaningfully. I have to admit that I am fascinated on human behaviour and their needs as defined by Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Theory. Some people are motivated the basic ones in the pyramids but will change accordingly as they get mature, while I find myself trying to understand their behaviours and intrinsic motivation towards Life. I probably am a lone ranger trying to find peace within myself and others in this World. Alas, people sometimes labelled me as "too fucked up inside" and a weirdo. That's absolutely fine with me.

But who cares if we're too fucked up inside and always up for a status quo challenge?

What does matters is in the way you cope up with bad things and rise above after the fall like no shit ever happened to you. Some people gave up on themselves, but I never did.

I persevere.