Dualism Fuel

  To my sweetheart & hubby, Ikhwan Faiz. In my bright or dark days, I have so much things to say and shared with you, but I never wanted to burden you with my worries and my absurd self sabotaging brain. I'm scared of how the world will judge me based on my appearance and personality or the way I talk, or how I stuttered or being clumsy. I'm scared I'm not enough for you. I'm scared that I'm not attractive enough or bore you with random thoughts and stupid jokes. I'm scared if I ever made you upset or feel insecure because of my stupid mood swing or being sad. I'm scared everything that my brain and soul has suffered already my lifespan a little more shorter and shorten our time together. I'm scared of my known and unknown health issues will burden you and somehow affect the risk of complications if we try to conceive in the future. Nonetheless of these things, each time I felt my brain and negative thoughts starts manifesting I tried so hard to dist

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas

Hi dear love Ikhwan Faiz,  All the ups and downs of my Life and every pain I've endured just to write a letter to you is worthwhile. I wanted our love to be immortal and Everlasting in my works and poems, even though one day our body will disintegrate and dissolve in the ground. My words are inspired by the pure joy and peace that I found within myself and your presence. My spirituality and faith. Everytime I see someone talking about their other half and true love, I kept thinking about our journey and the day we will be united as One. Like the creation of Eve from the ribs of Adam, every female are destined to finds her own Adam and they will never ever belong to anyone else, no matter how crazy the obstacle they are put through. I believe in Jodoh/soulmate  because it's very simple yet mysterious for every being on Earth. It has been promised by all the Holy Books of every religion, philosophers, poets and spiritual leader that everyone is created in pairs. Funny how much hu