1st September 2021
It's exactly a month after I broke up officially with Danny. Yet having Ikhwan Faiz in my life has brought me into a newer and higher perspective in Life and even beyond. For every "I-love-you's" and "I-miss-you's" from my ex for the last 3 years and hearing it from my hubby-to be and teammate for life, he filled up my heart with genuine love and laughter everyday beyond comparable to Danny. Ikhwan Faiz is my paradise and the only man I am willing to sacrifice everything just to see him smile and make him happy untill the end of my time here. He made me feel so loved and special in so many ways. He made me smile so brightly and sincerely from my heart.He inspires me to be better and to do better. In a way, my ex has become a very distant memory and his post break up voice note that I saved becomes too painful to hear because I no longer feel attachment, love nor care as he used to become part of my routine, my day and night, part of my Daily Prayer and part of my dreams that I wanted to build with him because I was fighting so hard to keep our love burning and chemistry alive. It was hard to tell myself that he used to become somebody who is very special and who would pamper me with lavish food, money and gifts has gone out from my life. He made me feel empty inside as our relationship progress. I had to accept this feeling and everything is dying. It has lose its glory and sparks.
As I came to realize that the best is yet to come while deciding to end a 3 year old relationship full with ups and downs and stagnant moment,but for sure I know and having Yiwan in my life, I was asking God for clues and strength to move on so I can finally be with him. I knew he is my forever. I knew all those visions of us holding hands, talking sweetly and joking around, praying, travelling together to places I never seen, eating our favourite food, random kisses, getting pregnant and playing with our eldest child, late night gaming/movie or an empty day where I stare lovingly at him doing housework or him rambling about his day while cuddling me, those are the things that gave me strength day-to-day despite I still struggle with loneliness and depression because I knew what we are going to build together now is beautiful and everlasting to Jannah. It's a certainty. He gave me the warmth and joy, just by hearing his voice or seeing his smile on our daily video calls. In fact, I missed him all the time, every seconds and every breath I took.
Last month has been very challenging and I fell sick again. I keep fainting because of gastric attack and I couldn't digest any food. I was scared that I couldn't wake up anymore and I missed Ikhwan Faiz more than ever. I knew I made him worried because I spend my time sleeping and being unconscious. I was also super stressed out thinking about my financial situation and applying for new jobs while choosing the right cert for me in my programming field. I pushed myself to hard and it started to take a toll on my body causing more damage right after my 2nd dose of Pfizer vaccine. Yiwan made me feel like my shitty life is bearable and he made me feel that I can overcome obstacles and challenges at these tough times.
He completed me in so many ways and things that I never knew I needed in Life. He is my key to our Paradise in this Dunya and I want to be his wife, playmate, partner, confidant and mother to our children so badly. I want to be his last and eternal lover. I thanked Allah for making him exist in this world full of chaos and sufferings.
{ I love you so much, with every beat of my heart, Ikhwan Faiz. I can't wait to marry you ❤️}
Yours forevers,
Munira Jasmin
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