Skip to main content

Alone.

Alone?
Such things we call as being physically left behind
maybe by people, or events.
I think life has a cruel but sweet intention for us.
It surprises us by making the beginning as hardest part to
go through.
You'll feel as if life is being a bitch, but actually,
It's a lesson and teacher at the same time.
God also give us HINT.
That He never LEAVES us feeling lonely.
It had come upon my attention that
GOD is really NICE, because
He Listens, and Feels our sorrow,pain,
Joy and Pleasure.
I tell you.
I was crying alone, but suddenly
my best friend sent me a chat message.
I wasn't expecting, but this is a sign that Allah
knows we want someone dear to us or 
those people who we missed so much to contact us.
I never lose faith in Allah.
He has a big plan for me.
That's why all of us are tested in an unexpected ways
and time.
I would rather shorten my lifespan and be useful to other human beings
than living in sins.
I am scared of hellfire. Of course.
I'm a sinner, but I am trying my best to have a Husnul Khatimah or
we called it "Happy Ending" in Dunyya..
I want my Afterlife is as good as my dad
and those who passed away before me.
I want Allah to grant me a "Jodoh" who would know how much
pain I kept inside trying to be the best person who I can be,
I need him to be near me.
Yes, I envy those who are married, as legal couple and no more
living in sins.
I want in 6 or 8 years from now, to get married with a guy 
that I found to be interesting and will complete the other half of me.
I hope he's already near.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

#2.8 Forth letter

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas

#1.8 Surat ketiga

Hi dear love Ikhwan Faiz,  All the ups and downs of my Life and every pain I've endured just to write a letter to you is worthwhile. I wanted our love to be immortal and Everlasting in my works and poems, even though one day our body will disintegrate and dissolve in the ground. My words are inspired by the pure joy and peace that I found within myself and your presence. My spirituality and faith. Everytime I see someone talking about their other half and true love, I kept thinking about our journey and the day we will be united as One. Like the creation of Eve from the ribs of Adam, every female are destined to finds her own Adam and they will never ever belong to anyone else, no matter how crazy the obstacle they are put through. I believe in Jodoh/soulmate  because it's very simple yet mysterious for every being on Earth. It has been promised by all the Holy Books of every religion, philosophers, poets and spiritual leader that everyone is created in pairs. Funny how much hu

Hello 4,579,200 seconds

It has been 53 days since I officially and legally became a "wife", and 7 weeks,3 days having a small being growing inside my womb. Guess what? It's not a surprise nor something that out-of-reach category My depression doesn't go away, neither my panic attack nor anxiety. There are days I can function as a human being, there are days I feel like giving up on myself and never want to feel alive anymore. Being inflicted with emotions and obligation as a wife and to-be-mom, I find it's hard to find a purpose of waking up and doing chores. Or it's just the changes around my body makes it very hard for me to adapt. Wanted to finish my IT Firm and Cybersecurity certs, wanting to write a novel about having CPTSD and supernatural beings or having a community that knows my name and not be remembered as a wife, daughter, sister and mother when I die. I just wanted leave this world with something great behind, instead of being stuck in a rut and a purgatory of waves of m