Skip to main content

Intro to duality?

I wish I could tell people the things I wrote
in the internet and my blogs are my real feelings,
Sometimes,my dear..
I wish I could tell those words to the person that I refer to..
For me,I'm a human puzzle,a very confusing personality,
an entity,a symbol of dualism,a human with a lot of personalities,
and I can change it in a very,very fast way..
If overwhelm,I would do things that could harm me in the first place
and regret about it later,
I'm just a very complicated personality,
I don't really like people seeing me too good,nor too bad..
I rather look bad so that people can't see my vulnerable side,
people always like to prejudge what I do,
misunderstand and misinterpreting the things I do,or say..
I really want to be a symbol or something to people who have a complicated
personality like me,I'm just too hard to be understand by certain people,
and sometimes,we don't have any chemistry at all,
they were never meant to be my friends at the first place,
and they're people who doesn't realize that their idiosyncrasy is just
a simple thing to be interpret.
I want to make a change,I want people to respect me as the way i am,
I'm a diplomatic person but if the person did something that I can't longer accept,
he/she will be a stranger to me..or as if I never ever meet him in this life,
I could fake a smile,I could pretend to be okay,
I could forgive and learn to forget,I accept the worst thing could happen
with the support of people and friends around me,
I found that I'm feeling okay,if I talk a lot to people and hear their perceptive,
easier for me to make a conclusion,and think deeply,
I don't want to be something in my past,I want to move forward towards
the light,where half of myself lies..
I'm just a very contradicting person in my own thoughts and feelings,
I like to think how,why and what happened even if I know I'm following my
instinct and conscience,I still do..
one word:Intricate!!!Argh..=DD

and I wonder how many people like me in this earth??I really wanna meet them,
see myself in a human mirror..and then I can judge myself.

geezz..
What a deep and personal thoughts right?
but this is me,I'm complicated.=DD

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Not-so-Narcissist-ME

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m...

Not exactly hate.

May 2018. What has become of me? Still nocturnal and feeling guilt for not being able to act like I genuinely like everyone around me. I acted like I should, respected their decision and let them have their say at me. I prefer this word as "endurance" I am tired of not being in sync of my own schedule, or being used. or just doing whatever it takes to stay alive. Yes, the 14th General Election made me realized that there's always hope. I did want a new government. An electoral miracle. Literally, it is. The hype has not gone down, even the older adults are still talking about it. Hate. I am not doing it. But my mother keeps nagging me to date younger guys, or go for the famous and rich. Based on my own experience, and tons of dating game, I prefer not to even look at these type of men that I should get intimate with, since I know my type. There is always a type, yet time constraints and social status made me feel like it will take years for me to reach the altar or ...

#3 Atrocity of humans

I wonder, Too often, Am I living my life for others or is this a process of learning how to stand still even if the ground shakes, breaks you, into thousands of pieces? Betrayal, being upset, anxiety and hurt is part of our brief Life. The feeling of wanting to channel every energy from my chaotic mind to a simple, organized and multilayer thoughts of words. Let me tell you a story. I wasn't fit enough to socialize around when I was a little kid. The little kid who grew up wearing thick round glasses since kindygarten and often bullied for her eccentricity and anti social. So,Whenever I make new friends, I asked them questions about computer or video games and internet. Some of them thinks I'm a freak, some of them thinks I'm cool  and some of them are really, really lost. aha.  I was exposed to technology and gadgets since I was little toddler. Watches the evolution of inventions. Learnt how to read, and write at a very young age. But I have trouble w...