Dear Diary,[haha..such typical way to blog in a melancholic state]
I have a description of my own inner demon,my doppelganger
Some of these days,I want to go back my wild self again
and hit the clubs[If only I can] or do some mindless crazy shit.
I have the urge to hear loud music and just move my body around.
Pretend to get drunk.Inhale back those sick poisonous stuffs that I use to do.
misusing legit drug and get addicted like hell.haha.
oh,I love getting that "where-am-I,why-I-feel-so-light-and
as if floating,why-the-lights-are-so-beautiful-
and-that-makes-me-like-flying-laughing-so happy" sensation.
and feeling very blurr the next day.
Getting my head hurt and my mind blank.
Falling asleep at the wrong time and inappropriate place.
Sneaking and spending around with illegal stuff.
Bypassing curfew hours and authority.
Play around with some hot smart cute boy all at the same time and
just leave them wanting me more.I need some really 'wild time' right now.
I wanted to just go crazy and do whatever I want to do
to please myself right now.
I hate being restricted,c'mon fuckers..
LISTEN to what I SAY,not what I DO.
I'm trapped.Do you think I can tolerate be nice and patient all the time?
You keep talking about your LIMIT,but what about mine?
I have my own RESTRICTION and LIMIT too.
I'm not an ANGEL,yet I'm not the DEVIL too.
Just that,I'm only a human.A complex one.
I can't be PERFECT,
but I promise that I can keep being TRUTHFUL and PURE
to myself no matter what.
Deep inside me,I have a highly wild,naughty side.PLEASE let me do what I want to do
so that I don't do what I wish not to do in the first place.
My INTENTIONS is always being perceived badly.
EVERYTHING that I did for you is WRONG huh?
Do you realize that,I won't learn anything if I don't experience it myself?
I am who I am,because of my troubles in the past,my negative attitude and
bad habits that I struggle so hard to diminish it for years..
I'm BROKEN into millions of shattering pieces everywhere but
when I got FIXED up,I grew much more stronger.
I have my PRINCIPLE.Respect it,please.
Don't you know that I can see and feel things?
Why don't you just have that FAITH in me?
I believe that's the only GIFT you can ever give to me.
Some of you,keep talking about LOVE and PLAYER stuff huh?
I will always have to find someone
to appreciate my thoughts,
my intentions,respect my INDIVIDUALITY,and
someone to care,tease,joke,to go crazy and out of this world,
and fits me in every complicated way I am.It is not easy
coz you're not the one walking my shoes,living my life for me.
so STFU.Thanks.
What do you know about a PLAYER?
They have their own issues from the past,
problems and deep inside them,
they are vulnerable in their own ways and weak points,
some of them are just some bunch helpless lonely creature,
seeking fun in way of unintended guilty pleasure.
looking for the long lost light and hope
Just that they don't want the whole world to know and see it.
Therefore,don't say that they can't THINK and don't realize what
they are doing.
Yes,in fact,indeed they can think and know what are they doing.
Sooner or later.Self-consciousness or when in luck,someone come into their life,
and make their heart and head fixed up.
They are labeled as "B.A.D" person.
in which meaning,Building Aimless Destruction.
I don't think they want to be BAD in the first place,
in some circumstances,they choose to be bad to let it all out
and carry own living with their life
regardless of what people will say about them,
seeking new experiences & challenges,and some just fail to control their attitude
and get so ADDICTED & STUCK in their own mess.
Been there,done that.So I can understand.
and I really hate people spreading bad things and news about others without
knowing the truth yet.GET to know me
or the person you're talking about DEEPLY first.
Stop SKIMMING through the surface,bitches!
and than only you can put JUDGMENTS and LABELS.
I don't think if you meet me once or twice,
or don't really have a sincere,heart-to-heart conversation everytime we talk,
you can really describe,interpret,or judge me accurately.
I can determine whether if it's GENUINE
or a FAKE one.
When I'm in my BAD side,NOBODY can influence me and
stop me from anything that might happen.
If I did anything wrong in that state,
because I want to AND I take the risk,after much thinking
or didn't have any idea at all; a M.U.N situation
[mindless uncertain notoriety]
I hate people saying my friends or people around me
shaped me into doing these kinds of things..
There are even times,when I make people and trick them doing into
these stuffs.
Having a wide and many social circle different groups of friends is fun,
I met a lot of cool,funny,unusual,unique characters,loving,charming,
the good and bad ones,I learn to adapt and accept a lot things and
personalities from them.
and they remain as my close and best friends until now.
Until then.Life is an adventure but you choose how the way
it was,how the way it is and how it is going be.=))
I have a description of my own inner demon,my doppelganger
Some of these days,I want to go back my wild self again
and hit the clubs[If only I can] or do some mindless crazy shit.
I have the urge to hear loud music and just move my body around.
Pretend to get drunk.Inhale back those sick poisonous stuffs that I use to do.
misusing legit drug and get addicted like hell.haha.
oh,I love getting that "where-am-I,why-I-feel-so-light-and
as if floating,why-the-lights-are-so-beautiful-
and-that-makes-me-like-flying-laughing-so happy" sensation.
and feeling very blurr the next day.
Getting my head hurt and my mind blank.
Falling asleep at the wrong time and inappropriate place.
Sneaking and spending around with illegal stuff.
Bypassing curfew hours and authority.
Play around with some hot smart cute boy all at the same time and
just leave them wanting me more.I need some really 'wild time' right now.
I wanted to just go crazy and do whatever I want to do
to please myself right now.
I hate being restricted,c'mon fuckers..
LISTEN to what I SAY,not what I DO.
I'm trapped.Do you think I can tolerate be nice and patient all the time?
You keep talking about your LIMIT,but what about mine?
I have my own RESTRICTION and LIMIT too.
I'm not an ANGEL,yet I'm not the DEVIL too.
Just that,I'm only a human.A complex one.
I can't be PERFECT,
but I promise that I can keep being TRUTHFUL and PURE
to myself no matter what.
Deep inside me,I have a highly wild,naughty side.PLEASE let me do what I want to do
so that I don't do what I wish not to do in the first place.
My INTENTIONS is always being perceived badly.
EVERYTHING that I did for you is WRONG huh?
Do you realize that,I won't learn anything if I don't experience it myself?
I am who I am,because of my troubles in the past,my negative attitude and
bad habits that I struggle so hard to diminish it for years..
I'm BROKEN into millions of shattering pieces everywhere but
when I got FIXED up,I grew much more stronger.
I have my PRINCIPLE.Respect it,please.
Don't you know that I can see and feel things?
Why don't you just have that FAITH in me?
I believe that's the only GIFT you can ever give to me.
Some of you,keep talking about LOVE and PLAYER stuff huh?
I will always have to find someone
to appreciate my thoughts,
my intentions,respect my INDIVIDUALITY,and
someone to care,tease,joke,to go crazy and out of this world,
and fits me in every complicated way I am.It is not easy
coz you're not the one walking my shoes,living my life for me.
so STFU.Thanks.
What do you know about a PLAYER?
They have their own issues from the past,
problems and deep inside them,
they are vulnerable in their own ways and weak points,
some of them are just some bunch helpless lonely creature,
seeking fun in way of unintended guilty pleasure.
looking for the long lost light and hope
Just that they don't want the whole world to know and see it.
Therefore,don't say that they can't THINK and don't realize what
they are doing.
Yes,in fact,indeed they can think and know what are they doing.
Sooner or later.Self-consciousness or when in luck,someone come into their life,
and make their heart and head fixed up.
They are labeled as "B.A.D" person.
in which meaning,Building Aimless Destruction.
I don't think they want to be BAD in the first place,
in some circumstances,they choose to be bad to let it all out
and carry own living with their life
regardless of what people will say about them,
seeking new experiences & challenges,and some just fail to control their attitude
and get so ADDICTED & STUCK in their own mess.
Been there,done that.So I can understand.
and I really hate people spreading bad things and news about others without
knowing the truth yet.GET to know me
or the person you're talking about DEEPLY first.
Stop SKIMMING through the surface,bitches!
and than only you can put JUDGMENTS and LABELS.
I don't think if you meet me once or twice,
or don't really have a sincere,heart-to-heart conversation everytime we talk,
you can really describe,interpret,or judge me accurately.
I can determine whether if it's GENUINE
or a FAKE one.
When I'm in my BAD side,NOBODY can influence me and
stop me from anything that might happen.
If I did anything wrong in that state,
because I want to AND I take the risk,after much thinking
or didn't have any idea at all; a M.U.N situation
[mindless uncertain notoriety]
I hate people saying my friends or people around me
shaped me into doing these kinds of things..
There are even times,when I make people and trick them doing into
these stuffs.
Having a wide and many social circle different groups of friends is fun,
I met a lot of cool,funny,unusual,unique characters,loving,charming,
the good and bad ones,I learn to adapt and accept a lot things and
personalities from them.
and they remain as my close and best friends until now.
"There's always good in evil,bad in good,light in darkness,
darkness in light,and not all good people is really guaranteed
to have no evil intentions unless you're like the Prophet,
Nabi Muhammad S.A.W." -Moon Xyle-
Until then.Life is an adventure but you choose how the way
it was,how the way it is and how it is going be.=))
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