Dualism Fuel

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m...

[ I was terribly triggered by the time I wrote this. So,I advised people who has mild depression and low self-esteem to stay away from reading melancholic blog post like this. It’s bad for your health,Okay?PG18+ post ahead. lolz ] What did actually happened  from May- September 2016? I was hoping the effects of medication to wear off. I meant; by the hallucinations and strange voices I heard every single night, it feels like I’m going down, to the brink of insanity. My mother thought I was happy and calm person, due to my repressive nature of trying to function well. She was surprised why my state of saying, “I'm okay” hasn’t changed even for a bit for all these years. She would try to do anything to see my reactions and how it’s like to be triggered. There are days when I isolated myself from speaking or communicating from anyone despite I was online 24/7. I usually post things on my facebook, mostly on  major "heavy" topic  materials, science articles, tech n...

I think: I live in my own crazy lunatic random world of unplanned adventure and actions. I don't like to be too girlish.I don't like being too boyish either. I like keeping my mouth shut when my head is too confused or worried but it hurts to do that. I hate to burden people with my trouble,untill trouble kills me slowly. I love Star Wars but aslo still I think Star Trek is cool. I love Dante's attitude but I lust for Vergil cold and when he slashes using his fucking awesome yamato says,"die!" I cried for my dad's voice saying,"pa polah?" when I miss him and yearn for my mom's praise for years if I'm away from them for too long. I love Katanas,Revolver,swords but I hate dagger and arrow and bow. I picture the perfect date is to laugh,tease,sing,and talk all the time with that special someone. I feel like wanting to duet a song with anyone who's serious in singing. Friendhip and dating are related somehow. I want to be a very L337 in m...