Dualism Fuel

A life full of debts and living in fear. It's not about how I am dealing with life here. But the people. The tragedies and how I am paranoid and succumb to my own  dark shadows. Inner demons. If there is such thing as freedom. It's called "Truth" Truth really hurts, but it shall set us free. Free from being haunted or guilt. I am willing to give myself away, for that chance to be free. Right now, I'm living in a difficult situation that no one can help me. Everyone around me has their own agenda. Sadness, problems, inner conflicts, dilemma. And I wonder, having a significant other right now.. does it make the situation really better?  Life teaches us to be wise and resilient but along the way, the rise and falls.. It's lonely, it's dark.. and the ones who can save you is.. Yourself. So think, if I had a new order of time, to reset all of my past mistakes. I wouldn't do too much for others, I wouldn't love others who will...

D ear Diary, [ haha..such typical way to blog in a melancholic state ] I have a description of my own inner demon,my doppelganger Some of these days,I want to go back my wild self again and hit the clubs[ If only I can ] or do some mindless crazy shit. I have the urge to hear loud music and just move my body around. Pretend to get drunk.Inhale back those sick poisonous stuffs that I use to do. misusing legit drug and get addicted like hell.haha. oh,I love getting that " where-am-I,why-I-feel-so-light-and as if floating,why-the-lights-are-so-beautiful- and-that-makes-me-like-flying-laughing-so happy " sensation. and feeling very blurr the next day. Getting my head hurt and my mind blank. Falling asleep at the wrong time and inappropriate place. Sneaking and spending around with illegal stuff. Bypassing curfew hours and authority. Play around with some hot smart cute boy all at the same time and just leave them wanting me more.I need some really ' wild time ' right no...