Skip to main content

Acceptance of denial

How hard is it to accept?
Acceptance for all the things that we wish doesn't happen?
and how far would you go to make you feel better?
Some things are better left unsaid but yet,I do want to speak it out.
Why does it hurts so badly when we see someone we used to love
and we just wish to talk back to them,but we can't..
The hatred between both of the party involve or could it be something else?
I'm still wondering until today.
I treasure friendship and I would love to be friends with him again.
Yes,I'm really looking cold and so emotionally-detached,
I don't deny that,and it's a true thing.Full stop.yeah.
A typical way to display such a duality that is embedded within me.
To tell the truth,vulnerabilities are better yet hidden or
people will get to exploit you,used you and throw you away like the rubbish.
And trust,it's a very none tangible thing that only time and sincerity can prove that.
As it is,I wonder..




Yes,this is my one of weaknesses,maybe one of my biggest issue..
letting go of someone,even things are obviously clear that we should back off.
It's hard just to leave,you can just block their profile,delete the phone numbers,
and dang..you saw that person again in real life,the one you used to spend your time,laughter,
sadness or tears with..you feel so like,wow..
*A train just hit you*
*you survived*
*he sees you*
*you tried to smile*
*he already moved his eyes and head somewhere else*
*you look down*
* he secretly stares at you*
*you look back*
*he gives you a blank empty look*
*wtf?you just played that game along*

*you give him a blank expression*
-silent moment-
*Are we somehow like arch enemies?
or just a very ego broken-hearted ex lovers
that either way make things worst*


The question still hunts me till right now.
I feel so bad and good at the same time.
Complicated enough to explain the scenario exactly.=DD


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Confessions

It's been like months since I last posted here. I confessed, I was looking on things in life in a restricted and conventional way. Now, I am in mid of a crossroad. Trying to figure out of which steps should I had taken or at least have a perfect guideline of what to do next. Right now, as matter of life and death:  TO CHOOSE or WAIT. Goals and Ambitions. Love and Lust. Glory or Defeat.  Mixing up in my head. I'm afraid to reflect what others had think or thought about me. If confession are what people lived for? Why people keep telling lies to themselves? Why white lies exist and why not embrace painful truth? Lies are still lies as it downgrades the power of justice. You serve others with lies while deep inside you're hurting. God, if lies are for the betterment? Why the consequences makes others tripped into  a journey of guilt and sins? It's a thing to ponder upon. My thought exist right now to clarify what I had gone through last semester in c...

#3 Atrocity of humans

I wonder, Too often, Am I living my life for others or is this a process of learning how to stand still even if the ground shakes, breaks you, into thousands of pieces? Betrayal, being upset, anxiety and hurt is part of our brief Life. The feeling of wanting to channel every energy from my chaotic mind to a simple, organized and multilayer thoughts of words. Let me tell you a story. I wasn't fit enough to socialize around when I was a little kid. The little kid who grew up wearing thick round glasses since kindygarten and often bullied for her eccentricity and anti social. So,Whenever I make new friends, I asked them questions about computer or video games and internet. Some of them thinks I'm a freak, some of them thinks I'm cool  and some of them are really, really lost. aha.  I was exposed to technology and gadgets since I was little toddler. Watches the evolution of inventions. Learnt how to read, and write at a very young age. But I have trouble w...

2011

2011, Yep.Today is the first day of lecture. I really don't know what to say. I'm still homesick.I still miss home. I hate staying in UiTM. But guess what? My target for this sem is 4.0. I will reach it,even if I got a repeat subject. Maybe I'm not gonna be in debate tournament this sem, but I will hang out and debate when I have the opportunity I want to adjust some stuff and adapt with the subjects, I must survive this semester.My life depends on it, As on the 6th June,I want to have  my perfect life.. I mean,the freedom and all. Enough for the trouble and heartache that I caused in 2010, starting from scratch is hard,but believe me.. It's nothing to compare to what I've been through. Thanks 2010, You give me the chance to feel life the way it is, I enjoyed the moment that I had, things I never did as a teenager due to my parents policy, and glad that it didn't last, Coz I know somehow it affects my study  I'll wait for someone who i...