Skip to main content

Acceptance of denial

How hard is it to accept?
Acceptance for all the things that we wish doesn't happen?
and how far would you go to make you feel better?
Some things are better left unsaid but yet,I do want to speak it out.
Why does it hurts so badly when we see someone we used to love
and we just wish to talk back to them,but we can't..
The hatred between both of the party involve or could it be something else?
I'm still wondering until today.
I treasure friendship and I would love to be friends with him again.
Yes,I'm really looking cold and so emotionally-detached,
I don't deny that,and it's a true thing.Full stop.yeah.
A typical way to display such a duality that is embedded within me.
To tell the truth,vulnerabilities are better yet hidden or
people will get to exploit you,used you and throw you away like the rubbish.
And trust,it's a very none tangible thing that only time and sincerity can prove that.
As it is,I wonder..




Yes,this is my one of weaknesses,maybe one of my biggest issue..
letting go of someone,even things are obviously clear that we should back off.
It's hard just to leave,you can just block their profile,delete the phone numbers,
and dang..you saw that person again in real life,the one you used to spend your time,laughter,
sadness or tears with..you feel so like,wow..
*A train just hit you*
*you survived*
*he sees you*
*you tried to smile*
*he already moved his eyes and head somewhere else*
*you look down*
* he secretly stares at you*
*you look back*
*he gives you a blank empty look*
*wtf?you just played that game along*

*you give him a blank expression*
-silent moment-
*Are we somehow like arch enemies?
or just a very ego broken-hearted ex lovers
that either way make things worst*


The question still hunts me till right now.
I feel so bad and good at the same time.
Complicated enough to explain the scenario exactly.=DD


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Not-so-Narcissist-ME

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m...

#2.8 Forth letter

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas...

Not exactly hate.

May 2018. What has become of me? Still nocturnal and feeling guilt for not being able to act like I genuinely like everyone around me. I acted like I should, respected their decision and let them have their say at me. I prefer this word as "endurance" I am tired of not being in sync of my own schedule, or being used. or just doing whatever it takes to stay alive. Yes, the 14th General Election made me realized that there's always hope. I did want a new government. An electoral miracle. Literally, it is. The hype has not gone down, even the older adults are still talking about it. Hate. I am not doing it. But my mother keeps nagging me to date younger guys, or go for the famous and rich. Based on my own experience, and tons of dating game, I prefer not to even look at these type of men that I should get intimate with, since I know my type. There is always a type, yet time constraints and social status made me feel like it will take years for me to reach the altar or ...