Skip to main content

Do you believe in magic?

I don't believe in magic,
but I believe in miracle.
So much drama in the few weeks and
how time flies,
hostel life
is coming to an end in 3 days.*sobs sobs*
Sometimes I don't know what to believe in,
and yet where do I stand at life,
seeing your own past,mistakes
and everything overthrowing back at you..
just like something that is going back against
what I did and say in the past.
I'm mistake.I'm trouble.As to people,
and myself as well.
I don't know why it seems that,
Life is hard sometimes,and sometimes I feel my
head is lighter,when I feel so damn careless about everything.
There's even a time where I do not fuck care about anything or anyone.
except myself and I have this burden of carrying my own problems
till everything crumbles over me.
The problem is I don't really trust people around me.
They think I'm too weak,they tend to monopolize you in
the things that they see in you as exploitable vulnerable loopholes.
I have a really serious paranoid
that they will say everything that I did is all WRONG
and not being RESPONSIBLE.C'mon.Give me a space to voice out myself.
shit.
If there's so much love in me,there's so much hate too.
I have a fantasy right now.
Quitting this life and go to a new galaxy,start a new whole life
in a new identity,whereby I can use light saber to fight
and see Star Troopers dancing while I sit in my throne.
nah.Palak ku tension abis tok.
What the hell.Star wars in my head right now.
I guess I'm so tension about exams paper.
I wasted 5-7 marks in political science.
Hostel.Friends.Past Love issues.Exams.
[fuck that Singporean guy and the KL guy]
They're still being dickhead bastards.I'm clearly ignoring them,
and I did say my nicest farewell to them..
My parents.Debate.
Fly me to the sky,you'll be forever in my debt.
Let's be B.A.D and R.A.P.E others to the wild.
[Buidling Aimless Destruction and Releasing Anger Passionately Enjoying.]
I'm feeling like oh..so pissed off too right now.
Yes I am.

In conlclusion,there's no such thing as magic but only miracle exists.
Save me from this insane heartbreaking life.I beg you.
...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

#2.8 Forth letter

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas...

Not-so-Narcissist-ME

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m...

#3 Atrocity of humans

I wonder, Too often, Am I living my life for others or is this a process of learning how to stand still even if the ground shakes, breaks you, into thousands of pieces? Betrayal, being upset, anxiety and hurt is part of our brief Life. The feeling of wanting to channel every energy from my chaotic mind to a simple, organized and multilayer thoughts of words. Let me tell you a story. I wasn't fit enough to socialize around when I was a little kid. The little kid who grew up wearing thick round glasses since kindygarten and often bullied for her eccentricity and anti social. So,Whenever I make new friends, I asked them questions about computer or video games and internet. Some of them thinks I'm a freak, some of them thinks I'm cool  and some of them are really, really lost. aha.  I was exposed to technology and gadgets since I was little toddler. Watches the evolution of inventions. Learnt how to read, and write at a very young age. But I have trouble w...