Skip to main content

Do you believe in magic?

I don't believe in magic,
but I believe in miracle.
So much drama in the few weeks and
how time flies,
hostel life
is coming to an end in 3 days.*sobs sobs*
Sometimes I don't know what to believe in,
and yet where do I stand at life,
seeing your own past,mistakes
and everything overthrowing back at you..
just like something that is going back against
what I did and say in the past.
I'm mistake.I'm trouble.As to people,
and myself as well.
I don't know why it seems that,
Life is hard sometimes,and sometimes I feel my
head is lighter,when I feel so damn careless about everything.
There's even a time where I do not fuck care about anything or anyone.
except myself and I have this burden of carrying my own problems
till everything crumbles over me.
The problem is I don't really trust people around me.
They think I'm too weak,they tend to monopolize you in
the things that they see in you as exploitable vulnerable loopholes.
I have a really serious paranoid
that they will say everything that I did is all WRONG
and not being RESPONSIBLE.C'mon.Give me a space to voice out myself.
shit.
If there's so much love in me,there's so much hate too.
I have a fantasy right now.
Quitting this life and go to a new galaxy,start a new whole life
in a new identity,whereby I can use light saber to fight
and see Star Troopers dancing while I sit in my throne.
nah.Palak ku tension abis tok.
What the hell.Star wars in my head right now.
I guess I'm so tension about exams paper.
I wasted 5-7 marks in political science.
Hostel.Friends.Past Love issues.Exams.
[fuck that Singporean guy and the KL guy]
They're still being dickhead bastards.I'm clearly ignoring them,
and I did say my nicest farewell to them..
My parents.Debate.
Fly me to the sky,you'll be forever in my debt.
Let's be B.A.D and R.A.P.E others to the wild.
[Buidling Aimless Destruction and Releasing Anger Passionately Enjoying.]
I'm feeling like oh..so pissed off too right now.
Yes I am.

In conlclusion,there's no such thing as magic but only miracle exists.
Save me from this insane heartbreaking life.I beg you.
...

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Buried:The Melancholia episodes

" We need to catch up. Seriously. " " Last time we talked is two years ago " " I hope you're doing well now. Better than last time" " You didn't come to my wedding or response to my invitation.I knew something must've came up ." " How's life? Are you still dating that asshole that I told you to leave?He's only using you, on and off." " I hate hearing you crying or suffer. You're very smart, talented, pretty, nice and funny girl. So much to live for. " " Have you done anything stupid again, Moon? I know you're crazy and fucked up inside for many reasons " Those are some of conversation starters from my close friends that reeks my heart. Reconnections of deep thoughts and intentions from a few that knows me too well. Yes. In these few weeks, my old crushes, acquaintance, exes, good friends, and "almost a thing phase", they decided to reconnect me back into their Life, ...

#2.8 Forth letter

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas...

Part 2. Us and the Future

My dear sayang, Ikhwan Faiz . All these back pain, bodyache and cramps came visions of us having experiencing childbirth and labour of our children. We probably be a nervous first time parents who would worry everything or me being me, I'd just act cool while having fatigue and mood swings due to physical changes and hormones ever-changing from the first untill third trimester. The weird food combo cravings that won't be going away or wanting to certain things together with you, sayang. My round and huge tummy waddling around the house complaining why the kitchen cabinet is too high or I probably sneak around to eat junk food or pickled sour fruit at the middle of the night. You probably will wake up if you aren't sleeping soundly or noticing me making noise from the kitchen. Or high chances that I would be in half crying face asking you to help me open some food packaging or jar/bottle that I couldn't even open or just wanting you to spoon feed me because I could just ...