Confessions

It's been like months since I last posted here.
I confessed, I was looking on things in life in a restricted
and conventional way.
Now, I am in mid of a crossroad.
Trying to figure out of which steps should I had taken
or at least have a perfect guideline of what to do next.
Right now, as matter of life and death: 
TO CHOOSE or WAIT.
Goals and Ambitions.
Love and Lust.
Glory or Defeat. 
Mixing up in my head.
I'm afraid to reflect what others had think or thought about me.
If confession are what people lived for?
Why people keep telling lies to themselves?
Why white lies exist and why not embrace painful truth?
Lies are still lies as it downgrades the power of justice.
You serve others with lies while deep inside you're hurting.
God, if lies are for the betterment?
Why the consequences makes others tripped into 
a journey of guilt and sins?
It's a thing to ponder upon.
My thought exist right now to clarify what I had gone through
last semester in college
and I still don't see any light or people that I hold on.
Call me a paranoid person.
Maybe a heartless bastard.
It's just a deep confession from me from now.