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Reconnection or leave as it is?

{ I found myself into another episode of choosing a path at crossroad as based on the poem interpretation of "Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. Dilemma. Exhaustion.}


Such variables and temporary decisions to be made makes me irk and break into character. Long outdoor weekend and struggling with many internal issues such as deadlines and keeping my blood pressure stable. Time ticking as if the end is near gives me chills. I ought to live my life meaningfully even if it comes with a lot of personal sacrifices. I'm flighty. I assumed the worst in people who has constantly hurt me for a long time. If I wish to be happy, I have to keep distant from being drained spiritually. Clearly, I don't give a flying fuck what others had labelled me. Eccentric is fine. Crazy is best. I don't rely on people as much as during my younger years. Only to those very few that I had my Trust vested. My secrets;Very exclusive ones. Wild adventures, or the stupid ones. Or a lifetime secret.

I dislike being in crowded public places without a clear sense of purpose because it's mentally exhausting to absorb energy in a large perimeter yet staying quiet as behaving appropriately. Besides having being spotted by others who happened to know me, there is no denial that I hate being around humans too much, in general. I find them annoying, suffocating and shallow-minded but not to those who has their mental, physical and personality grown up exquisitely or explored their own identity and intellect to the fullest. You don't find genuine interactions in common people who settles easily in Life. If you let people define your life and social background, it means you are somewhat implying that blending into the fucked up modern society and act to be likable is natural for us, till the day we disintegrate.

For something spiritually beautiful to be unleashed and understood to the fullest abyss, one must indulge and accept the idea of Pain. Pain makes your spiritual state much stronger and understand how does a soul develop from fragile, mutable and restless into their own highest consciousness; feeling peaceful being yourself. I've never seen a good soul who never suffered, and I've never seen a bad one was once a strong, optimistic and rigid personality became a contradiction in things that they do. All I know is things happened if human allow changes and embrace it or get affected by it.

{Seeing the good in bad, the bad in good is not a bad thing after all. It is a nature of "check and balance" after all }

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