Confess

The human soul,
is funny and delusional.
One who expects too much,
She/He will be dissappointed
if their expectations lack from the outcome.
I had spent my whole Lifetime,
obeying a perfectionist tradition;
And every single mistakes,
wrong moves,wrong people,
misplacing stuff never missed being counted and recalled.
I regret my silence and changed
into someone who is very passive-aggresive.
Unpredictable and radical.
I grew up enduring emotional
and physical pain for many,many years. 
I was in a very deep stage of
depression since I came to know
the meaning of failure and
how it is like to move on from a death
of a loved ones.
I do still get episodes of suicidal tendency and being in a short term major depression.
I hid it so well that nobody knows
I'm hurting very much, everyday.
Honestly, it is in my blood to follow rules
and order to be succesfull like "the rest".
Spent my whole lifetime proving
to be the smartest and approval of others,
to satisfy these kind of people.
For status, recognization, wealth and
glory of a name within a bloodline.
They fed me poison of worldly happiness.
For years had gone by,
after my father's passing
I stood still in times of needing
a loving arm to hold me and encourage
me to move forward.
Surviving day by day
in hope of meeting of a paradise
that will comfort my anxiety
and kiss away the tears of suffering.
As I tried moving on these dark phase,
I collected pieces of strength in
each soul that I met along the way
Tried to see what makes them
strong and rigid inside as a human.
It was an honour to be with
these kind of people.
It is not my duty to judge anyone
that I befriended and been close to.
The "bad" ones teaches me to have a mindset that will burn anyone with their actions and ignore emotions of others.The "Good" ones teaches me to be patient and always remember good deeds of people whenever the "bad"  hurt/betray me.

I lose my vibe and cheerful personality,under circumstances where I had no support and anyone to talk to.
I lose my health and mental well-being,
whenever I was pushed down beyond my limits.

Yes. Welcome to my inspiration.

It is made from fear, tears and pain.
I write mostly to others who felt alone
and become their melody, to sing the song of Life with full vibrant expressions and moving words.