It has been 53 days since I officially and legally became a "wife", and 7 weeks,3 days having a small being growing inside my womb. Guess what? It's not a surprise nor something that out-of-reach category My depression doesn't go away, neither my panic attack nor anxiety. There are days I can function as a human being, there are days I feel like giving up on myself and never want to feel alive anymore. Being inflicted with emotions and obligation as a wife and to-be-mom, I find it's hard to find a purpose of waking up and doing chores. Or it's just the changes around my body makes it very hard for me to adapt. Wanted to finish my IT Firm and Cybersecurity certs, wanting to write a novel about having CPTSD and supernatural beings or having a community that knows my name and not be remembered as a wife, daughter, sister and mother when I die. I just wanted leave this world with something great behind, instead of being stuck in a rut and a purgatory of waves of m
My dearest abang Ikhwan Faiz. Being a thousand miles from you makes my heart screams violently for your affections, kisses and touch. Each day that has passed by made me realize that you are my pillar of strength and breathe back Life into me since the day we met until this very moment. I found the missing piece of myself in your soul. You held me when I was in my lowest & most vulnerable and calm me when my mind wanders off berserk and haywire. I can't thank God enough to have you in my Life when I found you. Each time we spend our time together, I feel that the universe has granted me a safe place that makes me feel like I can be whoever I want to be, achieve my dreams and ambition in Life here in Dunya and The Hereafter. Here in Langkawi, I thought the opportunity to be a leader in my work and career is just a mock up, but it turned out to be a start of a new pathway that I never dream of. God has given me so much blessings from the moment I found you, Abang. I dreamt of ce