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Not exactly hate.

May 2018.

What has become of me? Still nocturnal and feeling guilt for not being able to act like I genuinely like everyone around me. I acted like I should, respected their decision and let them have their say at me. I prefer this word as "endurance"

I am tired of not being in sync of my own schedule, or being used. or just doing whatever it takes to stay alive. Yes, the 14th General Election made me realized that there's always hope. I did want a new government. An electoral miracle. Literally, it is. The hype has not gone down, even the older adults are still talking about it.

Hate. I am not doing it. But my mother keeps nagging me to date younger guys, or go for the famous and rich. Based on my own experience, and tons of dating game, I prefer not to even look at these type of men that I should get intimate with, since I know my type. There is always a type, yet time constraints and social status made me feel like it will take years for me to reach the altar or walk down as a bride to my forever partner.

Perhaps, this post is here to reminds me.

All is not lost. I still keep our memories together. I am still going on, here. Strong as the fire buring with fuel.

Don't give up yet. I signed off for now.

Ciao.

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#1.8 Surat ketiga

Hi dear love Ikhwan Faiz,  All the ups and downs of my Life and every pain I've endured just to write a letter to you is worthwhile. I wanted our love to be immortal and Everlasting in my works and poems, even though one day our body will disintegrate and dissolve in the ground. My words are inspired by the pure joy and peace that I found within myself and your presence. My spirituality and faith. Everytime I see someone talking about their other half and true love, I kept thinking about our journey and the day we will be united as One. Like the creation of Eve from the ribs of Adam, every female are destined to finds her own Adam and they will never ever belong to anyone else, no matter how crazy the obstacle they are put through. I believe in Jodoh/soulmate  because it's very simple yet mysterious for every being on Earth. It has been promised by all the Holy Books of every religion, philosophers, poets and spiritual leader that everyone is created in pairs. Funny how much hu

#2.8 Forth letter

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas

#26 Everlasting

  T o my love Ikhwan Faiz, It's funny and how mindblowing God has made us wait till we finally found each other in so many years trying to find a Soulmate/Love. From the day we haven't met each other yet I  constantly kept wondering whether you existed or not, parts of me was still so much missing and searching for higher and holy purposes in Life. One might say that experience made us wiser and mature, but my past has mended me to be the person I am, till the day I met you. You came and breathe back all the shattered pieces of me and transformed into a whole new person despite I'm going through a dark phase in my life right now.  Every giggle, smile and laughter shared with you has become my favourite moment in Life. You're the half of my broken soul that I longed for. You're the answer to my sad, lonely and gut wrenching nights. You're my serendipity. My safe haven.  It has been a long winding road filled with thorns and unexpected moments. There are times my