Skip to main content

Swear it all over again.

Sounds like a title of a song?
Yes,it is.
Doesn't mean that I'm in lovesick mood or melancholic.
As a matter of fact,I'm feeling mixed up.
Dafuq just happened today.
Some people do never give a chance to let us explain ourselves.
I rather stay quiet and say things voluntarily.
Not being pressured at all.
The greatest torture of all is being rather misunderstood.  
All my life,I have been misunderstood.
No matter how pure my intentions are,
No matter how far would I go just to make up things
for people that I care the most,
It was never enough.It was never beyond my expectations.
Wondering if life is tormenting me any further after this.
Let's see,I do sing to myself and feel so very lonely sometimes.
I don't tolerate with loneliness much,like other people.
Laughter and smile of the people around me,keeps me myself smile.
My leverage.
And just because I smile,I laugh,doesn't mean that I'm really happy inside.
People judge instantly.Assholes.
Pulling yourself up and act normal is hard,
Not after life is crumbling down.Not after no one even cares if you're sad.
In times,you are really alone and you DO NOT want to bother your only friends.
Sigh.I love them so much,that I tried to smile and laugh even I'm not in the mood.
Life isn't about me.It's about making up to other people,making yourself useful,peeps.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Not-so-Narcissist-ME

Of Relationship and its epiphany .  I've been thinking on my stance about it and on how I perceived it from my teenage years. Since I started high school and socialize around after college, I get brutally honest confessions, messages or text from people from time to time. I didn't have to ask much to let them exchange their number or social media account. I got tons of contacts in my phone from social media account, mainly because I enjoyed chatting and being empathic towards others. I spent countless of hours talking and gagging if I'm lonely and needed company. I never have to ask or beg for attention. Thus, whenever I'm in a serious relationship, my partner is always insecure or possessive, he will know each and every friends or recognise "potential threat" that he has in order to gain my attention and question my loyalty. I find it obnoxiously nauseating and mentally stalling . I enjoyed freedom, trust and mutual respect from others especially from m...

#3 Atrocity of humans

I wonder, Too often, Am I living my life for others or is this a process of learning how to stand still even if the ground shakes, breaks you, into thousands of pieces? Betrayal, being upset, anxiety and hurt is part of our brief Life. The feeling of wanting to channel every energy from my chaotic mind to a simple, organized and multilayer thoughts of words. Let me tell you a story. I wasn't fit enough to socialize around when I was a little kid. The little kid who grew up wearing thick round glasses since kindygarten and often bullied for her eccentricity and anti social. So,Whenever I make new friends, I asked them questions about computer or video games and internet. Some of them thinks I'm a freak, some of them thinks I'm cool  and some of them are really, really lost. aha.  I was exposed to technology and gadgets since I was little toddler. Watches the evolution of inventions. Learnt how to read, and write at a very young age. But I have trouble w...

Not exactly hate.

May 2018. What has become of me? Still nocturnal and feeling guilt for not being able to act like I genuinely like everyone around me. I acted like I should, respected their decision and let them have their say at me. I prefer this word as "endurance" I am tired of not being in sync of my own schedule, or being used. or just doing whatever it takes to stay alive. Yes, the 14th General Election made me realized that there's always hope. I did want a new government. An electoral miracle. Literally, it is. The hype has not gone down, even the older adults are still talking about it. Hate. I am not doing it. But my mother keeps nagging me to date younger guys, or go for the famous and rich. Based on my own experience, and tons of dating game, I prefer not to even look at these type of men that I should get intimate with, since I know my type. There is always a type, yet time constraints and social status made me feel like it will take years for me to reach the altar or ...