Skip to main content

Intro to duality?

I wish I could tell people the things I wrote
in the internet and my blogs are my real feelings,
Sometimes,my dear..
I wish I could tell those words to the person that I refer to..
For me,I'm a human puzzle,a very confusing personality,
an entity,a symbol of dualism,a human with a lot of personalities,
and I can change it in a very,very fast way..
If overwhelm,I would do things that could harm me in the first place
and regret about it later,
I'm just a very complicated personality,
I don't really like people seeing me too good,nor too bad..
I rather look bad so that people can't see my vulnerable side,
people always like to prejudge what I do,
misunderstand and misinterpreting the things I do,or say..
I really want to be a symbol or something to people who have a complicated
personality like me,I'm just too hard to be understand by certain people,
and sometimes,we don't have any chemistry at all,
they were never meant to be my friends at the first place,
and they're people who doesn't realize that their idiosyncrasy is just
a simple thing to be interpret.
I want to make a change,I want people to respect me as the way i am,
I'm a diplomatic person but if the person did something that I can't longer accept,
he/she will be a stranger to me..or as if I never ever meet him in this life,
I could fake a smile,I could pretend to be okay,
I could forgive and learn to forget,I accept the worst thing could happen
with the support of people and friends around me,
I found that I'm feeling okay,if I talk a lot to people and hear their perceptive,
easier for me to make a conclusion,and think deeply,
I don't want to be something in my past,I want to move forward towards
the light,where half of myself lies..
I'm just a very contradicting person in my own thoughts and feelings,
I like to think how,why and what happened even if I know I'm following my
instinct and conscience,I still do..
one word:Intricate!!!Argh..=DD

and I wonder how many people like me in this earth??I really wanna meet them,
see myself in a human mirror..and then I can judge myself.

geezz..
What a deep and personal thoughts right?
but this is me,I'm complicated.=DD

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

#2.8 Forth letter

Hi again, My life partner and soulmate, Ikhwan Faiz, ❤️ This is the 4th letter from me to you, sayang. I know all of my letters are reflecting on my dreams and spirituality that I wanted to share with you. So that it will be relevant anytime you read this if you feel uninspired, sad or wanted to be reminded of my love to you. Maybe when our kids grow up, you can share my letters to them and talk about how you feel every time you read it. I know I'm very far-sighted and visionary, but I only wanted you to have the best optimism about everything in Life, together with me. I want to share everything I felt deeply inside with you, and no one else but God. All of my private thoughts and unspoken words.  That's a privilege held by soulmate. He is very special to me.  What's more better than having a good husband, loving children, peaceful life and having a job that you enjoy doing while making a difference in this world? Nothing. To me, my husband and my family will be most treas...

Buried:The Melancholia episodes

" We need to catch up. Seriously. " " Last time we talked is two years ago " " I hope you're doing well now. Better than last time" " You didn't come to my wedding or response to my invitation.I knew something must've came up ." " How's life? Are you still dating that asshole that I told you to leave?He's only using you, on and off." " I hate hearing you crying or suffer. You're very smart, talented, pretty, nice and funny girl. So much to live for. " " Have you done anything stupid again, Moon? I know you're crazy and fucked up inside for many reasons " Those are some of conversation starters from my close friends that reeks my heart. Reconnections of deep thoughts and intentions from a few that knows me too well. Yes. In these few weeks, my old crushes, acquaintance, exes, good friends, and "almost a thing phase", they decided to reconnect me back into their Life, ...

Worries worries, sayang

  To my sweetheart & hubby, Ikhwan Faiz. In my bright or dark days, I have so much things to say and shared with you, but I never wanted to burden you with my worries and my absurd self sabotaging brain. I'm scared of how the world will judge me based on my appearance and personality or the way I talk, or how I stuttered or being clumsy. I'm scared I'm not enough for you. I'm scared that I'm not attractive enough or bore you with random thoughts and stupid jokes. I'm scared if I ever made you upset or feel insecure because of my stupid mood swing or being sad. I'm scared everything that my brain and soul has suffered already my lifespan a little more shorter and shorten our time together. I'm scared of my known and unknown health issues will burden you and somehow affect the risk of complications if we try to conceive in the future. Nonetheless of these things, each time I felt my brain and negative thoughts starts manifesting I tried so hard to dist...